1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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