She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
