Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I stole a fireplace last night.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
