we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
