So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
