I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
