The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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