apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
