I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
