I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
