I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
