He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
