im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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