someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
