Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
