tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
