Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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