I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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