I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
