Me too!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
