she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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