drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
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Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
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lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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