just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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