3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can tuck mytits in my pants
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
