I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
