need another drink. this is the easiest way
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
