He uses pillows to masturbate.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
