as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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