You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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