1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Operation Purity has been aborted
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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