first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
