im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I deserve this hangover.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
