I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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