Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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