Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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