he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize