singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
