allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
