And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
