So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
