Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
