It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
