I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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