I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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