Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
