i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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