I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
