SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
