Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
