so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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