Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
