Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
