I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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