I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
handjob tips. give me some.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
