found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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