my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This is the high leading the old right now
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
