The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My life is pants optional.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
