I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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