I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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