I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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