I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
