I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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