Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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