just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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