Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
