I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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