Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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