Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
