the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
