Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
